Okay, so we didn’t really “do” Houston the way the title might imply…but we did make an appearance at the Houston Romantic Times Conference and we did drink a Butterscotch Martini…or two. Okay, maybe thirty or fourty. In fact, we had to hold classes multiple times on the fine art of making a Butterscotch Martini…because if there’s one thing we know, it’s how to make our favorite drink. Our best student was Chris…the bartender at the Hyatt Regency in downtown Houston…who makes a kick-ass Butterscotch Martini. Chris, if you’re reading this…you rock! And to Roza, who always kept us supplied in timely and elegant fashion with our favorite libation, as well as cheeseburgers, quesadillas, and nachos…we miss you already…you were fabulous!
Did we have fun? OMG — fun isn’t the word for it. What we did should be illegal…but Thank God, it isn’t! 🙂 We worked hard and played even harder. We attended workshops and mixers and award ceremonies and parties galore. I’ll tell you what…those folks at RT really know how to party!
One of the highlights for me was getting to know Christina Skye…what a fabulous writer and even more fabulous person! It’s always such a joy to meet someone who has achieved such tremendous success, but is still a warm and friendly person who wants to make a contribution toward improving opportunities for all writers. What a classy lady she is and how thrilled I was to make her acquaintance. Be sure you look for her books in your local bookstore…she’s one of the good gals!
Another person I was tickled to meet was Rita…from South Africa. She’s a reader who follows the Butterscotch Martini Girls blog and we were all delighted to meet Rita in person. She’s as beautiful as she is charming and I’m jealous as can be that she got to go up on stage for a “blind date” with one of the Mr. Romance contestants. Rita…keep in touch, girl.
Now…with regard to the Mr. Romance contest…those boys were hot! hot! hot! Be still my heart! The BSMGirls immediately fell in love with Fred…a gorgeous man with a blinding smile, abs chiseled from stone, and more charm than it’s safe to trust any one man out in public with. And although Fred didn’t win the overall competition, he did win two of the three award categories — contestant’s pick and reader’s pick. And after all, if the readers loved him best and the contestants loved him best…hmmm…I’m thinking that makes Fred the winner in my book. What a hunk of man! (Watch for the pictures…I’m sure the girls are uploading their photos as we speak.) You mark my words…we haven’t seen the last of Fred. He’s hot and he’s gonna be on a cover sometime, somewhere…and the Butterscotch Martini Girls will let you know when we know. 🙂
Now, this blog just wouldn’t be complete without mention of a couple of “incidents”…you know, those things that just seem to follow the BSMGirls wherever we go. 🙂 The first fun fact…did you know that if you stick a flashlight under a woman’s breast, you can tell if it’s real or not? Well, who knew? We didn’t. So we set out to see if it was true. The legend is that if you shine a flashlight up into a woman’s breast and it (the breast) glows orange, it’s the store-bought variety. But if the boob staunchly refuses to glow orange, it’s the real thing. Well, we just happen to have a couple of great pairs of “girls” in residence on the chests of our own Isabella Clayton and Tina Gerow. So Tina dug deep into one of her goodie bags…courtesy of RT…and produced a flashlight. Drumroll please…………the legend is TRUE. While I won’t divulge which of these lovely ladies purchased her “girls” on sale, I will verify that at least one set of tatas lit up like a nuclear facility on lock-down. So for those of you who are planning to go to the RWA conference in Dallas this July…if yours are store-bought and you have roommates…you’d better sleep with one eye open.
Now, the all-time best story at the conference this year came from our friend, Teri Chapman, who set out on a late-night mission with our other friend, Kayla Janz. They were on a mission to find a cheap hamburger at the McDonald’s they thought to be across the street from the hotel. However, keep in mind that it’s entirely possible that alcohol might have been involved. Dressed for the Ellora’s Cave costume ball, the two girls left the hotel in the direction they believed they would find the Mickey-D’s. But when they arrived at the corner of walk and don’t walk, they stopped in confusion. It was late and most of the businesses were closed and nowhere was there a sign of the beloved golden arches. As they stood there, trying to get their bearings, an officer of the law approached from the opposite side of the street…no doubt to see if they required assistance. Now, before I go any further, I MUST give you a clear picture of how our two adventurers were dressed…remember, they were going to a costume ball. Teri was wearing long white bloomers…much like those worn by Little Bo Peep, but without the skirt. On top, she wore a white billowy blouse that was locked down tight by a boustier that had the net effect of turning what is probably a C or D cup chest into a mostly bare, magnificently mounded, in-your-face version of a Hooters waitress on steroids. Got the picture? Not yet…it gets better. Kayla, who was escorting this Hustler version of Little Bo Peep, was wearing black jeans, a black t-shirt that said “Got Sex” in big white letters across the front, boots, and sporting a black and gold boa around her neck. Yeah…now you’ve got the picture. Like Little Bo Peep and her Pimp, the two were standing on the street corner looking around as the cop approached and asked if they were lost. Oblivious to the picture they painted, Teri set about chatting up the officer and complaining about the price of hamburgers in the hotel. She was sure McDonald’s was around there somewhere…were they closed? This is where the officer should probably be commended for this restraint…as he calmly (and not so subtly) suggested that Teri “might have to spend some of that money”. Now, most people might have been offended…but not our Teri and Kayla. You see, they’re writers. Pretending is an every day thing to them…doesn’t everyone stand in front of an exclusive hotel in Houston at midnight in a Little Bo Peep costume and a Got Sex t-shirt with a feather boa? Long story short, they were back in the hotel and munching on an expensive hamburger before it fully dawned on them how very close they had come to spending the night with Houston’s finest in one of Houston’s up-town establishments…and “comped” by the state of Texas. Thanks for the memories, girls…this one will go down in the record books…and, no doubt, will one day end up in one of our novels.
That’s my story…and I’m sticking to it. We had a fabulous time, we had an outrageous time, and we’re dead-set on doing it again soon…next time, y’all will have to come with us! Hold on tight…’cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast. Love ya.