Top 5 Weirdest Things I’ve made a Character do in a Book

Tina thinking up snarky things to do to her characters...

Tina thinking up snarky things to do to her characters…

Especially writing paranormal romance I’ve tortured my characters in some pretty interesting and snarky ways.  So revisiting the Top 5 is kind of fun.  Be warned that this list includes both Tina books (sensual paranormal romance) and Cassie Ryan books (erotic paranormal romance) and both series have a lot of irreverent snark!

So here we go………in countdown David Letterman style!!

6.  In Fantasy Quest,Astiria, designs her perfect man in an online game and then gets sucked into the game.  The game, similar to Everquest II, which my family and I avidly played at the time, was a great backdrop for a fun, romantic romp.  She goes on a quest to achieve full citizenship of that world so she can choose her mate, after an unfortunate even with the Goblin King.  When one of his minions attacked her and tried to take her captive, she clamped down on his tender bits and twisted to get away…thus by the laws of Verrath, she is promised to the Goblin King…ack!  So the quest is important for her to be able to claim the hero she designed and has fallen for.  At the end she gets to choose a bonus for completing her quest and gaining citizenship….and decides to keep the “Stripper boobs” she chose when she built her own character.  If only we could all design our attributes!  I’d be willing to fight a few goblins for the ability to do that!!

5.  In Into a Dangerous Mind, my heroine, Cassidy, suddenly received psychic powers because of an attack by a psychic serial killer and then accidentally projects her elicit dreams out to my hero, her best friend and another FBI agent.  In other words, she ends up giving my hero a phantom blow job and giving the entire house a “happy ending”.  How could I pass up the opportunity for her to use her brand new powers in such a fun manner?

4.  In Take It Off, my heroine, Samantha, had to go and run a real life Nevada brothel—the family business–while her mother is unable to.  Unfortunately, the one night stand she had an amazing connection with shows up for a bachelor party and assumptions are made on both sides.  My poor hero ends up tied hand and foot to a bed upstairs in a “teach him his lesson” type joke.  It was really fun playing with that scenario 🙂

3.  In Vortex Blues, I made my hero, Mitch Guthrie, work a case to find a succubus serial killer who was leaving a train of only dismembered penises…no, I’m not a man hater.  In my world succubus drain power from their victims though sexual contact and after the men can no longer “provide ejaculate” to fuel the succubus’ energy consumption, their body starts to break down and dissolve muscles, tissue etc.  However, to ensure her continued sustenance, the succubus’ body produces a substance that keeps the male organ from dissolving with the rest of him.  Thus, the trail of pristine man parts left over after the “kill”   Snerk…

2.  In Ceremony of Seduction, Princess Alyssandra went through an “altar ceremony” with at least 30 other people.  Talk about a busy sex scene!!  It’s a fan favorite, however, and I’m often asked if I plotted that out with little dolls or stick figures to keep it straight where everyone was at any given time…snicker 🙂  In truth, I did not.  However, my wonderful Kensington copyeditor at the time said she did just to check facts while she was copyediting…tee hee!

1.  In Fire Maiden, Kefira was pinned to the side of a cow by a whole slew of arrows launched at her by the villains.  She turned to stone to heal (she’s a gargoyle) and the poor cow was running with her pinned to his side.

On a funny note, I had one reviewer on Amazon who had a huge issue with the physics of that whole scene.  In fact I think that review is still on Amazon 🙂  She was apparently fine with the idea of a 900 year old gargoyle warrior for God who can turn to stone to heal, but took offense at my grasp of physics and what’s possible and not.  That review is one of my favorites because it always makes me laugh 🙂

Wow, looking at my list, quite a few of these are sexual….and very snarky…I suppose I do have that kind of a sense of humor!

I’m sure there are others I could add to the list and I look forward to seeing all of you remind me of them in the comments section!  If you leave me one you might win a copy of my newest release Sleeping With Shadows!!

Tina

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